I often struggle with childlessness and this is one of those bad times.
Last night my professor elucidated something remarkable: in her brand of therapy, the goal is to treat the client just as an ideal mother would—with responsiveness, attunement, unconditional regard, and space to think and grow. Over time, this type of interaction gives the client a new way of understanding relationships, a new trust in life—a new start. (Or so claims the theory and my professor’s careerful of evidence.)
The concept brought tears to my eyes. Though I am never to be a mother, could I be one, somehow, in a different way? Could I serve that function I know I could do so well, not for any tiny offspring but for dozens of wounded adults?
Writing it here, it sounds stupid—delusional. I’ll never be anyone’s mother, even if I can change lives through therapy.
But in class it sounded truly transformative—not just for future clients, but for my grieving childless soul.
I think that is such a lovely thing. It actually brought tears to my eyes.
There are so many hurting people in the world, and to be in a position to help them start believing themselves and others again is truly a gift.
You will be a wonderful therapist!
Thanks, Shanon. That’s a really sweet thing to say.
You are an amazing woman, you truly are {hugs}
Thank you, Amber. You’re very kind.
It brought tears to my eyes, as well. You hit upon something today with two of your postings… thank you. It’s always comforting to be understood. Maybe part of my discomfort is that I’m afraid that no-one will ever really need me… my stepkids, included. But maybe this gives me a new way of looking at it. And, anyway… what is this need to be needed, I keep asking myself.
Oh, I know that feeling. I know my husband and my dog need me, but oh, it’s so hard knowing a child never will! Rightly or wrongly, we want to feel truly invaluable. And when I see that I will never be invaluable to the only child I’ll ever have, it’s hard to feel like a worthwhile human being.